Thursday, February 26, 2009
Feeling done! 3 Days to "D" Day and throwing the time line AWAY!!!!
So, today marks 3 days until my due date, a theoretical day based upon ultrasound measurement, dates on a calendar, and science. I, officially, am trying not to expend too much energy getting psyched up on that day! Last week at my OB appointment I was told that they expected the baby to come "within the next week". This was based on me being 2 cm dilated, having contractions, (none that were painful, or that stayed regular for more than 2 hours,) and having me insist on continuing to work. Well today, a week later, at my OB appointment I am still 2 cm dilated, having contractions, and of course still with baby in my belly! I am not at all upset at this. I know he will come when he is ready, but I guess I am having a bit of an issue being patient. I am now realizing what a huge emotional, physical, and mental event this is going to be for Alex and I, and I realize I am a planner. I now feel like I have some insight into why women do schedule inductions and C-sections. I would never ever do this, but I do feel their angst. I think partly I am having issues with waiting because I am trying to work up until I deliver, (in a 1/2 time sort of way,) but, how do you schedule a day of patients for me to see when I'm actively having contractions and the doc says, "Could be any day now...." when they very well are going to have to be rescheduled?
So, I'm giving in to letting go of the expectations of when this will happen. After all, I've never done this before, so what do I know! I could easily stay pregnant 2 more weeks, (my goodness I hope not!) and that might be how much time the baby needs to finish growing. I am also realizing that work does need to end soon. My job seems to be an all or nothing event. I cannot half ass it! I just don't have the heart, (nor should I,) to tell a patient I cannot stay an extra two hours, "Because of this here huge belly," to see them in the office to talk about their recent diagnosis of cancer, because they do not want to suffer not knowing about what the tests show for another week, which is where they were going to see the doc. I can't do it. This is just one out of so many examples that happen in my daily work day...and night...that make this job so great, (as you can make a huge impact on someones life,) but so exhausting and taxing as well. I am letting go of some things, such as O.R. time. I am no longer assisting in surgery as it's just too hard. At nearly 40 weeks pregnant this is a given. But the other demands of the job and mentally wearing anyways, and for this mom to be, frankly they stress me out a little more than the usual angst I feel! (and maybe in a small way get my mind off of my big event coming up, which is why I am continuing the madness!)
It makes me wonder how it will all work when I do have my little person in my arms, or in my husband's arms, waiting for me at home, and I have the same circumstances come up. I am told that a child changes so many things, and I hope it will help me to become a bit more well rounded as far as my work/home ethic, and without even trying. Though I know this will probably be somewhat of a struggle always. I already feel guilty when I come home late and Alex has been waiting. I think having my little son and husband waiting is going to be too much to bear. So I really believe most likely it will be a non-issue....I can only hope!